Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
