sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
