i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I pour the whiskey from now on
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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