3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
