I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
