dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
