threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
