Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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