I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
