i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
