i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
