I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
