I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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