I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
