Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
