remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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