well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
