then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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