One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Randomize
