Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
