Your mouth is God's brothel.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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