Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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