Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Let's get the cat blown out
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
