dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
