I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
