Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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