i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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