she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
