Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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