I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
