dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
