I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
