I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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