I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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