i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
