Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
