There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Randomize
