"it" just moved
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Randomize
