i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
