I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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