I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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