I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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