I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
