Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
