So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
