I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
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