I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
