How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize
