Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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