The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize