mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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