Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
