mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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