That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
