Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize