i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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