So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
