just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Randomize
