Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
