My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
