Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
