You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
