I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
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