we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
