just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
