What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
