New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
