Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
