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The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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