I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
