I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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