Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
im having a threesome with these popsicles
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
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As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
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There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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