just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
