I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
