I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
everyone is single if you try hard enough
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
