i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
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imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
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