it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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