so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
