Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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