We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
