So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
