I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way