i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂