So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Don't say a word.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
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I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
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You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal