No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
These 23 People Had Coworkers From Hell
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.