The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
