If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
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