So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
